holy mole-y i'm back.

yikes!  since i know you missed me for sure, i won't make you say it.  but if you'd like to tell me in person, i'm in arcadia from tonight until monday morning!  then i'm back to saint louis...and for once, i can't wait to go back to school.

=)

so I was looking at that picture of the monk holding hands with his girlfriend, and I thought....

maybe maybe

that day, when they were strolling the street, walking confidently hand in hand despite all the people staring at them funny and stupid tourists taking pictures of them...was the first time they had ever done that.  that maybe, though they had always loved each other...maybe it was the first time they said, screw all the staring and the judging and the views and opinions of little people who dont' matter anyway...let's live like we really are!  let's hold hands...and and, i won't even wear a hat to cover my bald monk hair and we won't avoid the crowded street at rush hour!  and (again, out of serious lack of knowing any better), maybe it was a triumph over what everyone else thinks is the right way, the proper way, the path to enlightenment.  maybe (though I don't ascribe to everything he writes; actually sometimes I think he's really dumb!), as Milan Kundera writes, "Love is something that belongs to us alone and enables us to flee the Creator.  Love is our freedom.  Love lies beyond 'Es muss sein!'"  I remember first reading this and thinking...how does that make any sense except to sound really postmodernist for its dismissal of God?  but then, it is love that gave us the choice...to flee the Creator or to stay.  it is love that becomes our freedom; because love does lie beyond "it must be!".  Love doesn't have to be...so we are entitled to nothing really simply because we are saved by love.  Love is a choice; it is freedom.  And maybe...love means saying, screw the stares, the judgements, the hard line.  Let's stroll and let people take pictures of us.  then, we can truly be revolutionary =). 

this is in a way the continuation to my China spring break entry.  thinking of the story behind the monk and his girl made me think of the hundreds and hundreds of stories that I must have encountered, bumped past, sat next to, took a picture of--even looked down on-- during my trip to China (I mean, during my life!).  I was disappointed for a while, because I thought..gah, I have no romantic, philosophical, beautiful thing to say about my trip to China.  I felt like I had learned nothing....gained nothing?  But then...maybe I'm learning something...through my entire time here in Asia...maybe that's even started before being here and will continue after I leave this semester...that will take longer than just a week, two months, one or two xanga entries.  Thinking about the stories of lives...remember how I love city lights?  But sometimes it's harder to remember the significance of lives when you look past the glamour and cleanliness and distance of the city lights.  when you look closer, lives are messy, different, unsettling sometimes, maybe not-germ free.  when I looked closer, when I was actually walking among the people who live in those high rises decorated with pretty lights in Shanghai...I think I forgot about how beautiful I thought city lights were.

So now, thinking about that monk...and even that kid on the train who was maybe riding to see his grandma, or that annoying taxi driver who talked alot who maybe just had a fight with his sister and was looking for someone to just chat with, or the church diocese who maybe had gotten into trouble before for letting strangers into the building...and all those all those people...maybe they are just as lucky as I am to have people miss them, write them emails, call them nicknames, share inside jokes...their lives are just as important as the one that I am always so concerned about: my own. 

I am not very good at keeping in touch, I often think that I may be very easily replaceable, I don't read the headlines on CNN anymore, and I speak words like they only last for a few seconds.  Jesus, give me the heart that sees that we really are more than sparrows and lilies.  Give me the heart to be important; give me the heart to give.  Though my life does seem rather insignificant here, I am thinking about a few things: what should I do in ACF next year?  should I stay in HK for the summer, or should I go home to see my brother graduate?  Am I brave enough to say out loud, I'd like to be more disciplined?  How do I love those closest to me in the best way possible?  Do people back home and at Wash U know that I miss them very much?  I suppose that I'll always need God, even if the need seems less than life threatening.  I'm sorry for the times that I didn't think I needed Him anymore.  God, come back!

haha, that's actually what I really prayed the other day, "God,            come back!".

so having impending tests and papers due is always a sure catalyst to me writing xanga entries.  because as we have seen so many times before, I am here again!  and of course, I should be writing my 3-5 page paper and studying for the test that I just found out has three chapters =).  so if you'd like to read more elaineeo's xanga, please pray that I'll get more work.  and even if you don't want to read elaineeo's, please pray that I'll get more work too.  strange saying that, and the wash u kids must want to kill me now...but today I thought a lobster was an ecrustean, which God knows what that really is, and thought that calling Alex and I a cute cupple looked perfectly fine. 

mmm, but in spite of the lack of academic/intellectual stimulation, I've been getting lots of cultural exposure!!  here's a little rambling bit on my Spring Break trip to Mainland China. 

back to the motherland?  not so close!  China is really strange...and big, so what I have to say may only apply to Shanghai, Xi'An, and Shenzhen.  China! 

so first we take a 25 hour train ride to Shanghai. 

here I am in my little hard-sleeper.  luckily, we had this cute kid to keep us company...

NOT!! haha, he was cute for the first few hours...we played cards and stuff.  but then he started climbing up to our beds and tickling our feet...gah =O!!

Shanghai was a really swanky city...but essentially, no biggie.  for someone who's seen skyscrapers and city lights and big crowds, it's not so wow-alicious...but it was still fun. 

hailing down a taxi near some temple (I forget which)

bright city lights on nanjing road.

clubbing in Shanghai was a lot of fun though =)  after first scouting out a creepy and not so hoppin MingMao street (I think that's what it's called; I just remember the "M" sounds), we get to this place called bon bon.  cute right?  haha, all except for the boys on stage trying to rap to music, which the locals thought was really exciting. haha =D

the few touristy things to do in Shanghai: the Pearl Tower and the Bund

I kept trying to take straight pictures...and finally figured to align the buildings with the side of my camera!!  but here, I was still figuring that out =).

we took a river boat cruise along the bund

like all good tourists, we went to the top floor of the tower!

and!! we ate at the revolving restaurant up top.  sigh, one of the best parts of the trip =))

wait wait, the best part of the trip: I forgot to intro who I went with!!  here are chelsea, alison, and margaret..from purdue purdue and canada respectively.  wandering through China, enduring crazy train rides and squatting toilets with these folk was fun =)

more touristy things...yu yuan garden

this cute little asian man sitting on top of the building! hehe...he's saying, "hello!" no no, "ni hao!"  =))

while walking back...we saw

!!!

is that allowed?  I mean, not to be stupid or anything, but I didn't think that they could do that!

after a few days in Shanghai, we hop another train....and haha, we actually had to do that run run run through the train station as the train whistles thing because we went to the wrong train station at first!! it was exciting.  huffing and puffing, we settled into the seats we would sit and (try to) sleep in for 18 hours...

after that horrible experience, during which I discovered that the most comfortable (and that's truly...and understatement haha!) position to sleep in was hanging my head down to my knees...though everytime the train kinda bobbed, my head would hit my knees...sigh...we got to Xi'An.  here, we were unfortunate to hire a very talkative taxi driver...who thought I was from mainland!  sigh, he put my poor chinese skills to work.  but but but...at the end of it all, we were here!! at the terra cotta warriors!!!

hehe, this isn't it (sorry for building up the anticipation!); but ruins of some old imperial baths?

voila!

it was so exciting seeing what I used to watch on National Geographic...in person!!

the warriors were really cool...each one of them had different outfits, different hairstyles...to think that people made each of them individually...even gave them huts and stuff...and then burried them!  one of my favorite parts though,

were the horses!!  haha, somehow I found it really cute that archeaologists (did I freakin spell that right?? gah!!!) unearthed all these horsies...and they were so cute!!  haha...I'm a dork.  but I think I really really like animals.  to think what must have gone through the Creator's mind when He made all of them!  all those freaky, funny, funky creatures...even those I've never seen before!!  sigh...God's got a really great sense of humor (ie: the walrus! for one)

I'm hesitant to put this up, becuase I look really gross...after long train rides and no shower...but here I am!!  evidence that I was there, in the best and brightest and most beautiful years of my life =) haha

gah, I know: striking right? ;)

mmm.....so a few random ones, left out of order:

another best-part-of-the-trip: eating xiao long baos!  goh...I was soo soo happy.  hehe

Chinese Wendy's!! 

a building that reminded me of batmobiles

and then...when in China,

=)

wow, this is terribly long, and I'm not even done yet!!  we flew back from Xi'An to Shenzhen, where we crashed at a 4 star hotel, took pictures with miniatures of the 7 wonders of the world, bought legit vcds at Wal-Mart for 50cents, purused for fake Dolce and Gabbana bags, Miss60 jeans, North Face backpacks, and Gameboys, ate Mexican food (!!!!), had a margarita, and a massage for $15.  mmmm. 

at the end of it all, I think I'm a stronger person for having conquered those bathrooms, the constant sound of people hawking up spit, sleazy taxi drivers, bring your own toilet paper and hand sanitizers, cheap hotels, and .............

(suddenly all out of thoughts...need to continue this later.  be back soon!)

today, I'm feeling like the world is full of love and hope and all things pretty.  haha, as lame as it sounds, it is such a good feeling when most days are full of wondering, doubt, confusion, and occassional frustration.  it all isn't as bad as it sounds, though, because those are the things that make love and hope and prettiness so much better.  so today, I'm feeling good. 

it's probably because I feel like I have so many things to write about on xanga, because I'm missing so many people and things, because I am lucky enough to get an occassional email from a friend that lets me know I am remembered (those are special moment), because I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world who has the best best boyfriend ever, because I truly believe that God's only starting to work on me, and because I just did laundry. 

I didn't write on www.xanga.com/swiss because Shuning's entry was too good.  haha, I'd be too embarrassed to follow up on that amazingness with my less-than-amazingness...so I'll stick to elaineeo's =) where you know what to expect anyway.  but reading Shuz's entry made me happy because I have such fun, healthy, culturally-exposed, cute friends.  and thinking about how the four of us are all out there...in Africa, in England, in Italy, in Hong Kong...and then thinking about how people are in California, Saint Louis, always learning and seeing things and storing up good stories to tell...just made me so darn happy.  gah, I drank too much coffee today. 

dear Andrew Chiang, I know you must read this, because how else do you get my address?  thank you so much...and you must leave me a nice comment with two eprops and your mailing address because I'd really like that!

dear Gorgeous (you know who you are), i miss you.

I wish I had some cool pictures, but the only ones I have are from clubbing, which will probably make you think that I'm just going crazy here in Hong Kong.  it's true what they say: this is a place that'll make you forget your family, lose your faith, cheat on your boyfriend, max out your credit cards, get really fat, and drink too much.  but I'm just a little proud of myself, and more than a little thankful because I'm working on calling my mom more, I'm not copping out just yey, calling Alex is my favorite part of the day, I've put myself on a budget for the first time in my life, determined to walk all the stairs, and only drink on Thursdays because I'm too cheap now to pay for drinks =).  my list of accomplishments doesn't sound really big...but I'm still happy.  I've been encouraged: maybe the little acts of kindness, selflessness, and self control are all that I can do, but then all the little acts that other people do make such a difference in my life. 

a few more things: I have seven ginormous bug bites on my legs and one on my toe!  gah =(.  I just tumbled on the stairs down to the laundry room because it's so humid here all the floors are alway wet!  gah =(.  my library books were due today...but I forgot!  gah =(.  I got an internship in HK for the summer!  gah =).  my mom sent me milano cookies and mentos in the mail today; I really really miss Mexican food; I'm going on a missions trip to Hubei in China during Spring break; I'm jealous that Crystl is at Wash U!!!; my new favorite sushi roll is the tuna salad one, which I had for the first time with Nanying; only seven weeks and five days left till Alex comes back!; H&M is a huge deal here in HK; I forgot a lot of my chords on the guitar; I need to write Ray Deng back on email; I bought linen pants; mmm...I miss summer.  gah.  there's so much more; don't you miss me?

my friends are so hot.

points to pray for me: summer plans (stay? go home? gah...); mission trip (my Mandarin skills are gah lacking); midterm on Friday; need to get up to go to class; I so badly want to be wise and good and trusting, just a little confused; and finally, humidity and my hair =) ( but only if you have time).

miss you!!  love, Elaine.

I really really really miss..

and

hehe...and...

 =)